Home Edizioneed. 9 What’s Love

What’s Love

Those who seek f*ck.  Mocking essay on soul osmosis

Written by Ermanno Ivone …it’s what remains” used to say Capossela in his homonymous and romantic dancing song.  However, not always something remains. Often only in the form of cookies in our history. Or, at least, something significant does not remain for the memory (the psychic one, not the one in bytes on mobile or hard-to-remove devices).
Love, the true and heartfelt kind, is certainly not erodible by time. The bug is all in the fact that we improperly use that word with the pink apostrophe in many, too many, circumstances depriving it of all the flying kisses it deserves.
eject 2Many, too many times as the number of apps, which have flourished over the years, for dating, friendship searches, life partner treasure hunts, passionate post-after-dinner companionships and one-night stands. The available list of these is always growing. So are the turnovers related to these services. Interstitial note. Love produces money too. Sometimes all it takes is just to mention it in the opaline quadrangular undershirt of a mushroom-shaped chocolate – actually more home-of-the-smurfs-forms – to multiply its sales. Multiplication is far more copious than the divine loaves and fishes. The tendency wave of these applications should be expressed in its trademark name. eject 3The most widely used and therefore best performing applications could be broken down into: Tinder, the Valhalla land of bilateral solace. Pros and cons: so many people, so many desires, so little awareness of the embarrassment of the next day. Meetic, ancestor of Tinder. Pros and cons: historical experience that, over the years, has seen sugar daddies turn into milfs. Grinder, the best ultra-sexual gaming app. Pros and cons: entertainment and ludopathy Once, suggests only one match per day. Pros and cons: the slow food of social expansionist intentions. Facebook Dating, combining the useful and the pleasant between posts. Pros and cons: emotional scheming and pre-retirement arrogance. Badoo, forerunner of the digitalisation of ‘let’s give it a try’. Pros and cons: hyper-historical and aggregator of fakes [for this perhaps also precursor because it will show the first forms of bots flirting with bots] Friendness, platform to find new friends. Pros and cons: curricular certification of the importance of friends with benefit OkCupid, the Linkedin of sentimental navigation. Pros and cons: professed religion and spoken languages count Bumble, oriented to the right of women to have their own say. Pros and cons: aggregator of slaves and masters eject 5*The pros and cons are up to you. You decide subjectively how to position them. We are in a democracy. ** evaluations on individual applications are not exhaustive. They have a merely summarising and not necessarily qualifying function. There are many others of which I apologise for the lack of mention. There is no hidden form of promotion in this article. There are surely many more to come because artificial intelligence will want to stick its nose and kisses into that too. At the moment, the suggestion elsewhere is valid to exploit chatbots to be better performers of love and excitement on those dating apps. Indeed, not only do suitors already prefer to use generalist artificial intelligences (such as ChatGTP) to produce text content that allows them to express themselves to a potential partner, but dedicated engines (such as Keys AI) are already springing up to enable them to perfect their own verbal amatory art. We look forward to the AI that specially generates excuses for us when we just want to sit on the couch and watch TV series instead of going out and fraternising and answering the question “hi, how are you?”. All noble, dignified, trademarked and algorithmically concealed. But above all, all in line with human evolution: ‘let’s invent something that will make us do less‘. eject 6 On the other hand, caressing the nostalgic rudimentality of ‘let’s look into each other’s eyes’, it is medically suggested to get out more, hang out in old and new spaces, cross or build bridges (medieval or clumsy design) in order to arrive at that single moment that for some determines their entire existence.An exchange of glances that questions your own capacity for action and, at the same time, drops in us atomic torpedoes of adrenalin that make our though pudic consciousness say ‘try it’, ‘if you really want it, go and get it’, ‘stop smiling like an idiot and come closer. And talk to us’. How much does this endless search for a mirror to end up in or to be invaded by cost us?  A lot. If we are not mentioned in the Forbes ranking. The monthly costs to have the superpowers on social media of soul searching (even if only on a single-serving basis) are on a monthly average of USD 30. A funded upgrading often allows us to have more information about the performance of our actions. A trust fund for our pathological insecurity. An annual tip to the chronic defect of not recognising ourselves as lovable. In some, even more chronic cases, the emolument coincides with gamification. The easiness with which we can try again, try again in the hope of a result is the same as threading a token – interminably – into a slot machine. New drugs.
It was like they were giving me a dose of narcissism in vein’,says journalist Judith Duportail, author of ‘Love in the time of Tinder’. By making the act of searching repetitive, we turn an existential and biological need into routine.
eject 7 An arriviste sequencing that makes you forget the initial purpose. That is, the cancellation of the sense of loneliness and the beneficial inability to be self-sufficient. It takes little, however, to turn a need into an obsession. It all starts with the mismatch of a set goal with the placebo of micro-satisfactions/rewards (the curse of the like or even the principle on which all smartphone game developments are based). “But then this tour in search of you is touristic alas” (status illumination given by Paolo Conte, Rebus). We spin around what we would like but forget to inflate the sail with love for ourselves. This is where the paradoxes start.
How can someone love us if we do not love ourselves as we should?
How can we find a soul completion or simply a worthy and dignified companion for our time if we ourselves do not know how to respect the irreversible collapse of the sand in the hourglass (from pre-Egyptian times)? eject 4 The only obsession everyone wants: love“. What do people believe? Is it enough to fall in love to feel complete? The platonic union of souls? I think differently. I believe that you are complete before you begin. And love breaks you. You are whole, and then you break in two’. (Philip Roth, The Dying Animal). How many things we are capable of doing in the cherished name of Love and how many bring us endless suffering. It is always worth it.
Without experiencing suffering, we would never learn to take the measure of what we really want.
As if rejecting (our own and others’ rejections of us) is the prerequisite for understanding exactly where to be on this planet (before Musk takes us to Mars) and with whom. Rediscovering loving-kindness in our innermost selves, without replacing it with compulsive and compensatory shopping, can lead us to owning our very own dating app where we have the superpowers to act as an oligopoly. We can represent ourselves unfiltered to the world and be taken in by it with its flaws and our own. An intersection of imperfection that deduces one of the most intense meanings of existence: the recognition of oneself through someone else. It is precisely through recognition that we can feel representable as real. Without confrontation we would just be a screaming motion in the wind. We would be Baby in Dirty Dancing jumping without Patrick Swayze holding her up in the air with actorly and muscular readiness. eject 8 For all those who already have a soul mate tattooed in their chest, what is written is worth double. Because it is necessary to upgrade the needs of others as well as one’s own but, above all, it becomes necessary to set the microphone of irresponsibility in front of ourselves in order to sing daily the wonder we feel inside thanks to the invisible effluvia of those who allow us 24/24 to recognise ourselves, to exist consciously, to make sense of everything that jazz has not yet improvised. Happy (less digital and wetter) kisses to you all, with whom you want and when you want. The important thing is that they are returned to you consensually and with transport. The important thing is to feel the butterflies more than to go and see them at the botanical garden.

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